The Following People Will NOT Be Coaching NC State Basketball Next Year

Rick Barnes (although he might want to reconsider now)
John Calipari
John Wooden
Jay Wright
Mike Montgomery
Mr. Misty Champagne
Me (talks broke down during negotiations over lifetime bacon rights from Murphy Farms)
Tom Crean
Mark Few
Tom Izzo
Rick Pitino
Lorenzo Romar
Tubby Smith

Herb Sendek
Jeff Capel
PJ Carlesimo
Frank Haith (I’m assuming that Fowler isn’t a complete idiot)
Bobby Gonzalez
Chuck Amato
Billy Gillespie
Bob Huggins
Dean Smith
Matt Doherty
James Naismith
Steve Lavin
John Beilein
Phil Ford (I mean, seriously. There’s no way, right?)

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