Another Great Week For The ACC

Has this been a fantastic football season for the ACC or what? I thought things were going well already, but nothing prepared me for the stunning brilliance of week 3. The ACC picked up two huge, close wins over Furman and BYU, nearly knocked off MAC power Western Michigan and looked impressive against national titans Louisville and Southern Mississippi. Wow!
In regards to those losses against Western Michigan and Southern Mississippi – as I always say, anytime you can come close (and anything less than three touchdowns is close) to a directional school that might be the third best in their state, that’s a great game!


Now, we all know about the long, prestigious history of Louisville football. I don’t need to tell you! So, I was terribly proud of the way the Miami Hurricanes hung with the Cardinals for a quarter. I mean, come on, Louisville is the second best team in the mighty Big East!
But you may not all know about the long, fantastic histories of Western Michigan, Furman, BYU and Southern Mississippi. Allow me to highlight some particularly impressive, uh, highlights.

  • You may have heard that many BYU players leave school on two-year missions. You know why? Ninja training.
  • In a game last season, Western Michigan ran a counter play that resulted in a four-yard game and the complete, unconditional surrender of Guatemala’s military.
  • Furman scored 42 points on UNC not because that was all they could score, but because 42 is The Answer.
  • Last season, Southern Mississippi’s coaches mistakenly had the whole team run sprints at the same time. The turbulence created by their jaw-dropping size and speed created an actual rainstorm. Maybe you heard of Hurricane Katrina? That wasn’t just God’s wrath at New Orleans’ wickedness.
  • Furman is the #4 team in 1-AA. The extra A? It’s for Awesome.
  • BYU linebacker Cameron Jensen hit an opposing running back so hard last year that he actually killed the man’s great-great-great-grandfather. We know this event as the assassination of president William McKinley.
  • Western Michigan finished third in the MAC-West last season. Did you know that MAC stands for Most Amazing Conference?
  • Furman rolled up 511 yards on North Carolina’s award-winning defense. 600 would have just been tacky.
  • When Southern Mississippi commits a late hit, it’s not a mistake; they know where the next play is going.
  • In BYU’s first game this season, quarterback John Beck threw the ball so hard that it exploded in midair. The shrapnel killed nearly everyone on the field and in the stands (everyone other than the Cougar players, of course). Not wanting to have an extra-long press conference because he had to run off to build an orphanage, Beck reversed time Superman-style (he ran really fast around the world a few times) and took a little mustard off his pass. You’ll see it in the play-by-play as a 25-yard pass to Daniel Coats.
  • Furman doesn’t attempt kicks. They decide.
  • Southern Mississippi won 13 consecutive national championships in the 60s. Look it up.

Apologies to Chuck Norris and Vladimir But.

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