Seminole Tribe Removes Support For Florida State’s Nickname

In a statement released earlier today, the Seminole Tribe of Florida announced that they no longer support Florida State University’s use of their name for their athletic teams. This announcement reverses years of support, including a recent show of solidarity in the face of an NCAA ruling that the name was offensive. Based largely on the tribe’s support, the NCAA backed down from their censure of FSU and removed the name Seminoles from their banned names list.
According to Seminole Tribe Chief and Comptroller William Runningturkey, the change of heart has actually been coming on for some time now. “For years, Florida State football ruled the nation, routinely blowing out opponents and competing for the national championship, making us proud to be Seminoles. Sure, there were a few incidents like the ‘Free Shoes’ scandal and the Peter Warrick shopping spree, but those teams were still really good, so you know, we looked past that stuff.”
“The Seminoles were not historically a warring tribe, but like the Florida State football team, when we did fight we always won. Well, except against the Europeans. I guess they were sort of our Miami, you might say.”
Runningturkey pointed out that with the football team’s recent struggles, young Seminoles were no longer proud to be associated with the university. “Our kids are starting to wear Miami jackets and, God help us, even Notre Dame.”
Apparently, the Tribe has talked for a year or two about backing away from the Florida State teams but felt forced to make a decision when the NCAA came around this summer. “We thought the team would be good this year,” Runningturkey added.
“But then, everything just went to hell this year. We, I mean they, lost to NC State again. I mean, even Wake Forest beats those guys every year!”
According to several in the Tribe, the final nail in coffin was last week’s loss to hated rival the Florida Gators. Florida State was down 34-0 late in that contest before falling 34-7. It was the Seminoles third consecutive loss, ending a 7-4 regular season, the worst season for Florida State in twenty years.
Runningturkey suggested that Florida State consider other names like the Capitals, Oranges or Navajo. “The Tribe is putting together some packets to pitch to some other schools that we think might better suit our image, like Virginia Tech or maybe Alabama. What’s a Crimson Tide anyway?”

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